..October vanishes..

...A brand new month unfolds - November...=)

there's a gift we all have...
...to be able to help make others happy =)

| burdens shared are halved; happiness shared is doubled |
many things grow..and comes back in a circle..
|she turns away not because she's forgotten..but because everytime she cared, she was hurt and shoved aside. yet it hurts more to pretend|
|...time won't erase a feeling this strong...|

this is the time of year
that we learn to give
and the greatest gift
is learning to forgive
we will have the best time
that we ever knew
if you forgive me
and I forgive you

[Nsync - I don't wanna spend one more Christmas without You]

ambition is what always leaves you unsatisfied with what you have presently.
you`re always striving to get something better.
don`t get me wrong.
amibition is a good thing,
but everything has its faults.
[Lucia Chu]

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved." - William Jennings Bryan
Final song dedication.

Would have given up my life for you
Guess it's true what they say about love, it's blind
Your lied straight to my face,
Looking in my eyes
& I believed you because I loved you more than life
And all you had to do was apologize

You didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me

My heart may never mend,
and you'll never get to love me
...again..

Sadness has me at the end of the line
Helpless why'd you break this heart of mine
Loneliness only wants you back here with me
Common Sense knows that you're not good enough for me
And all you had to do
was apologize
And mean it

But you didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me

My heart may never mend.
And you'll never get to love me

Forgive me says that I should give you one more try
But it's too late.
It's over now.

Justin Timberlake - [ Never Again ]

3o.Nov.o2
...& with a little faith, miracles come true - Nsync
.last day of a very, very strange month.

Sweet November.//.that's the name of a movie that touched my heart on the plane on my way to Hong Kong summer of '01.
November 2002.//.a month of my life I'll never ever forget. You know there's the saying "bittersweet"..well let's reverse that to "sweetbitter". In this one month of my life, God's really laid it down hard, and showered down a lot of blessings - joy, pain, question, growth, learning, heartache, change, and a lot of school work too. I've lived to listen to the most moving Valedictorian speech by a respected and honoured friend, witness a deserving win for best boy by a humble and kind co-president, had the happiest birthday with family and friends in Toronto, gotten through and resolved the issue in our townhouse, fell in love and decided to trust, for the first time felt how it was like in the happy beginning stages of a real relationship, discovered that Kinko's is highly inefficient, witnessed an amazing night of God's grace at Lifesong, served away the last point in our team's volleyball finals, finished 2 term papers, project and too many midterms, heard a series of amazing sermons at Embassy and KWCAC, experienced the death of our softball teammate to a cruel shooting, really thought about how much more I cherish the people in my life following that, witnessed Sonlife pulling closer together, had my heart broken like never before, had words that hurt me and stories that were twisted that hurt me even more, never felt more mistreated by someone i love, watched many holiday plans and surprises i had ready fall apart, got my right hand caught in a FEDS shuttle van door, wrote my first final exam of university, touched my long distance calls from my granny and hourly emails from my mom, heard a guy friend that finally admitted that guys are just as emotional as girls and there's nothing wrong with us showing more sensitivity, experienced God's comfort and strength and grace by which we forgive compel me as I wept before Him, been accused of intentionally hurting someone I love and denied of any truth in a friendship behind my back due to anger and excuses, had my faith judged, witnessed the biggest yearning for resolution in a group of people, paid $95 for a three day CPR course and met a great instructor who's doing a phD in biology, heard about all the tragic campus stories like the suicide last april and made me revaluate many things, and above all, learned that there's much more to come. //. "Every passing moment is a chance to change it all around" - Vanilla Skies .//. Some people have the courage, and some don't.

Welcome aboard to DECEMBER, 2002. I don't know what this month might bring. I just hope everyone is safe and sound...that God watch over all of us. I've been reminded that life's quite fragile. I hope that none have to look back and be even just maybe.... a day late.

25 Days until Christmas. Sitting in my room, listening to Nsync's Home for Christmas Album. I can't WAIT to go home for this warm, cozy, merry, merry Christmas. *Celebrate the magic*.

I stole something from Jon's page ......"you look at the stars, some of them have been extinguished for thousands of years, but their light is only reaching us now, the past is always influencing the presence, i can't change that. all i can do is try to understand it. - Smallville. ".....if one never tries to understand, one will never even knows what a mistake is to even deem worthy the phrase "no regrets".....even stubborn gorgor jon is facing everything now...you realize you write alot bro.... lol

Nsync. Guess it's Christmastime. All I Want is You. It's Christmas. I Don't Wanna Spend One More Christmas without you. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays. You Don't have to be Alone. The Only Gift I Wanted. Love's in our hearts on Christmas Day. Ohhhh yummmy good lyrics and tunes.

29.Nov.o2

3 am spaghetti and deb's meatballs after a night of clubbin at fed, that was totally PACKED can tire out a person. Maybe I've grown out of clubbing..maybe once in a while it's good to release and dance it up...but the stuff that goes on it there...yuck!! someone tried to pick up tammy again lol...and thanks for lookin out for us Pierce...seriously haha. So waking up in a warm bed this morning, I nudged the curtain a bit and saw that *the snowflakes were falling NOT SO gently*!! ...and decided..nope, I'm not walking through that all the way to ES for class...too tired after all the week's toils. Plus, they hadn't plowed anything yet =P

ate at William's Coffee Pub today for an afternoon tea...which was delicious..gained a lot of insight, but I think sometimes generic advice is something that's given too often. Everyone's walk with God is different and even if someone's been through an experience that they feel is remarkably similar, God has a unique plan for all of us, that unfolds in different ways. He places people in our lives at different times and how we grow is ours to discover, not others to judge. Tho we are all guilty of that at points in our lives. Just a thought - being focussed on God does not have to mean that we have to give up everything to be in evident ministries such as a worship team or cell groups, which are good, but that in everything or opportunity that comes our way, that we strive to shine His light. Showing good works of our faith through the way we live, works of Love, is just as important and a way of serving. Serving one another and holding one another accountable. It's like what a sister mentioned at cell group; it's good to "serve" in visible ministries, but at what extent are we sacrificing our school or friends or relationships with people to "serve"? God also placed us in our communities and relationships so that we might be challenged and strive towards living as His light, and not to neglect them, for they need not to be neglected in order to be living for Him. Every aspect and every moment can be deemed ministry and at the basis, focussed upon Him, even if it must stretch to gain experience to learn and grow, with quiet honesty and courage. The line and balance, quite fine.

four hours at the PAC here at UW doing adult CPR, child CPR, infant CPR and then running it through over and over is not much fun =/ costs alot too!! $95 to "learn" something we just need to be recertified in...on a friday, saturday AND sunday! but it's cool that many life saving priniciples and societal issues with helping others is brushed up on.. like the "good samaritan act"...would you help someone in need of your assistance in today's world? ( a lot of people are more concerned with whether or not they could be sued due to liabilities)

ok WHAT left to do but sleep.. debs so tired...hehe.. happy weekend =)

28.Nov.o2
thank you for praying for mee...my essay went smoothly and my first final exam is done! Today i was a witness to what true CRAMMING really means...but it's over with now. And my writing looked so dirty, but I wanted to get the exam over with this term, instead of having an extension for it next term. My hand can still grab the pen even tho the finger doesn't cooperate..

mmm it's freezing outside! my cheeks felt like frostbite on the way home tonight...it's ok now cuz it's sorta leading up to Christmas holidays.. but come January.. bleh! aiyea...I dunno if I might seriously freeze a finger or two one day on the way home. I stood in the UW shop today, in front of all the meaningful saying cards... and there's so many cool quotes...I'll post them all up later. =) I stood there and copied them! haha and I bought a few ornaments too...and some Christmas presents

i got mail today! my first Christmas card this year...from Tiff Eng! Thanks gurlie...it was really nice..and I got mail today! thanks for the letter mabel..though none of it applies anymore...made me scmile!..I got mail today! thanks for the tracks v and the piece of paper card?..well, that's my mail news for today... feel free to keep mailing me .. i'm here until the 11th! then on the 12th I'm downtown TO for the Annual Toronto General Hospital Cardiology Christmas Dinner.. weeee =) well, it's with doctors and nurses and nurse managers and respirologists and physiotherapists and pharmacists.. and then there's me. 1st year waterloo student and my guest. i'll just sit there, smile and look cute.

DoH. shhhHHHHH. no more. debs wants to hear no more...don't put more painful thoughts in my head...she needs rest...mind clearing and healing. zzzzz hehe.... write more later... cleaning my room, napping and then fed!

i turned up the bass and listenin to all my Christmas tracks! slow AND fast...hehe...nothing like sleighbells version of 98 - This gift & all the other sappy stuff!!!

27.Nov.o2
deb's done her essay! now onto studying for her first final....she's so unprepared, so please say a prayer for her tonight, that she may forget everything and focus on it!! God will take care of everything else big and small like that spider on her wall =(

....snowflakes falling gently.....I can't help but stare outside.. it's so graceful and peaceful...I close my curtains now so that I can take my eyes off that beautiful tumbling outside and fix them on my notes and textbook on the 20th century modernization of the urban city.

When you read this, u'll already know who u are & how much I am grateful.. you guys mite think that small gesture is insignificant...but it touches my heart =) esp when it's not from ppl i would "expect" lol ;) thank u.... tai ha dim la...but some things may just be jing ding...trying not to lum la.

eleanor forwarded me a game... it's fun! good for long study breaks!
http://www.albartus.com/motas/mystery/game.htm
good luck.

this year, I hope we can all "slow down enough to hear the snow falling..." [recognize the card guys? its in my room x) ]

26.Nov.o2
10:30 pm..just got back from the last cell group session for the term..women's cell has really, been a great blessing from God. tonight, although I still have an essay to write and an exam to start studying for, at 6:50 I decided I had to go regardless of that or my finger or whatever. And I'm so glad that I did. These group of girls have been an amazing support network this past term, and has helped to anchor my first term here in Waterloo. Hearts full of God's love and passion to serve one another is something that is always there with this bunch. We've learned so much together, from insecurities to food, to vanity to prayer...we've really bonded. Tonight, we went around the circle and shared about what happened in our lives this past week. I couldn't help but to tear up a little bit, as I reflect on everything that has happened. [Before cell group I was frustrated because my mom did not leave our softball team's banner in the mailbox today, but she did yesterday, which meant that our team did not get to bring it to say goodbye to Brett as planned. Made me sad that I couldn't even do that much. But I know that God wrapped His arms around all those today who went to bid farewell..] And as we proceeded to share about this term, I couldn't thank God enough for providing for me. Leaving Toronto this summer was hard, because things were picking up at home and especially church...but coming here, God's not only held me close to him, but continuously provided me with challenges and oppotunities to learn. I met these gurls at cell group, He provided me with a church, KWCAC which unfailingly provides a very theological message to think about every week, and also Embassy, another church that grounded me with more practical or applicable to univeristy life sort of messages every monday night. God's placed a sister in my life who meets with me once a week to talk and have a time of fellowship, whereby I gain so much insight from a strong and intellectual person. God's allowed me to share and be there for a friend also in planning that tells me she's so grateful i decided to talk to her because she's antisocial and she would have been a mute if I didn't. God's blessed me with an oppotunity to learn to play volleyball with a great group of brothers and sisters, where I've had so much fun, developed friendships and at a minimal rate, improved my skills. God's challenged me with UW Campus Response Team, where I learn about how to save people and handle medical emergencies, and get a taste of what I might do if I end up in health later on. God's provided me with happiness, joy, and sorrow, to keep me on track and always seeking and asking. God's also finally used my experiences to give me the love, insight and most of all courage to rebuke, and do what I know is right. God's allowed me to depend on him through my pain and get over my insecurities, and the discernment to figure out where it all came from. I am not blameless, but some situations call for measures we cannot always preplan. Sometimes it takes years in situations to build to a point where something needs to be said. As I spoke though, I remembered something about myself that I kinda forgot about. I cherish my friends and family. I always pictured all of us to have Christmas parties and gatherings years and years from now, continuing until we're old and gray, where we bring our own families which we will have later...and celebrate the community which God has provided us. That idealism.. warmth and unity is something that's a vision, like a cell group or any group. When things go wrong, I want them to be restored or made better; resolved. And we are all called to do that, and not sit around and assume that if we try to do something that it's not trusting God. "You trust God, but you still lock your door!" Faith without deeds is dead. People might see my deeds as weak faith, but that's judgement which may be blind. So tonight, cell group really helped me gather my thoughts. God's drawn me so close to him this term and I can't thank Him enough for everything He's done to help me to grow. God is so Good. =*) yes I was touched hehe

I look outside and every evening and morning it's like a Winter Wonderland. in the afternoon, it's green again. haha... either way, winter's well on its way..and I just can't wait until Christmas.... I hope my fingers get better so i can bake cookies for everyone and make those gingerbread houses for ppl..and it's going to be a Merry Christmas =) 29 days left... debs off to study for her exam now.. and do her essay with one hand... take care everyone and goooodluck!

listenin to [ Nsync & 98 - all their slow Christmas stuff! x) ]
[Destiny's Child - Do u hear what i hear?, Spread a little love on Christmas Day ]

25.Nov.o2
*one month until Christmas*
can't type much tonite..single handed ..bleh! ouch

didn't get much studying done today cuz of the accident.. but went to Embassy nonetheless...tonite was the last chapter of this month's series on "how to fail in relationships".. learned so much and it was great...worship was amazing also..as usual.... next week they're having a Christmas Worship service...can't wait! Tonite, Prov. 17:9, Matt 18:15-17, and "Better is open rebuke than hidden love." Prov.27:5

mmmm so it's one month until *Christmas*? What's your greatest wish this year?...It;s gonna be good....home sweet home with family and friends.. and surprises we have planned for one another and yummy food and specialness....celebrating the most important occasion of the year =) Snowflakes falling gently... and streets lit up by all sorts of lights...snow crunching...still evening....gotta luv that peaceful, festive, warm feeling.

there's some things lately i could argue to no end but that's so childish...meh. i could write so much right now but my fingers say no hehe...time to sleep soon... debs tired from everything.... tomorrow is the funeral for Brett, help us pray for comfort for his family and friends...sorry I can't be there with Sonlife tomorrow to say goodbye..

*diggin out all my Christmas tunes.. Christina, Nysnc, 98 degrees, Platinum and mariah Christmas albums..but only on my comp cuz stupid stage crew still has my case of CD's!!!!*

24.Nov.o2
the snow outside is gently falling...
i sit at my window and i'm at peace...
For God tells me that what I do is to help someone to wake up
It's out of love, and I used desperate measures because there was no other way.
Thus I'm not burdened.
"God give me the peace to accept things I cannot change, to have the courage to change those I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I can't believe all this is happening, this way.
How do two people both mess up so bad...
Two wrongs don't make a right.
Grace and Forgiveness work in our hearts
Maybe it was all neccessary for full forgiveness to occur...
God grant me the peace to accept harsh words and the maturity not to fight back, because the storm is at its peak. Lord, give us the grace...

...Oooh..oooh..this is our God..
...Oooh..oooh..this is our God..

23.Nov.o2

11:46 pm
"Love is.. timeless, boundless, sacrificial."
Sometimes when Love isn't enough to cover that multitude.
It takes courage to do that rebuking we need to do.
At the risk of a lifetime.
At the cost of possibly everything.

This Christmas I gave someone the gift they said they always wanted.
If I am nothing, I shall not stay to try to be something.
Game Over.
Wake up & Face Yourself.

-------------------------------
someone please tell me why after sleeping 5 hours total over 3 days I can't fall asleep!!??!..well, besides the fact that my granny woke me up bright and early this morning to talk to me, and I felt like I had a fever... I guess I just don't sleep a lot these days.. ?

I think everyone remembers me two weeks ago all jumpy and happy and to those I talked to who told me to just accept that things are good... I said I know that I need to be tested and that things will go downhill and how will I be? People told me I was stupid for thinking too much and that I should be happy and not worry. Well, as intuition told me, this week a lot of things have provided me with challenges and trials. My major projects and essays were all due this week and it was very draining to keep focussed, along with other stuff on my mind. And dealing with the death of our softball teammate has been a tiring obstacle too... triggers a lot of thinking and causes the whole team to come closer and talk about where we are going in life and what kind of an impact we're goign to make before leaving Earth. As a normal human, with emotions and anxieties, I did have a very, very rough week. But at the end, God's pulled me through another stretch of trials and learning experiences and it's only made me stronger in Him. Though I am weak, Christ in me provides me with strength.

God will time everything perfectly in our lives. In His time, good things can only be even better and most perfect in His Love. Patience is a constant strive...not something we naturally have, but work towards. All good things are worth waiting for. God's power to bless is infinite likewise His love and grace and forgiveness. "..."test me in this", says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room for it." Malachi 3:10

there's 32 days until Christmas...and I can't wait to go home. "Home" this year means a lot more.. it means reuniting with my mom and granny and lil sister... aunt and uncle and cousins....gathering with friends and catching up as we share about this time we've had to learn and grow and have fun in university...sleeping in my cozy bed at home... seeing people at work and paying a visit to MAC and seeing how things are going... celebrating ::Christmas::.. and the warmth of the season...There's something really special about this time of the year....God is GOOD.

a song, a song, high above the trees, with a voice as big as the seas..
everyone, come together, pray together, staytogether
celebrate the coming of the King
all my sisters, & all my brothers, come togehter, love one another
join in now, every voice and sing...

Destiny's Child [ Do you hear what I hear? ]

NOV 22nd - ENTRY LOST - same reason as below, but it was a short entry.
i remember quoting from jo and ally, "the world is not a very, very nice place." and "goodbye is the saddest word we'll ever hear". I was tired and exhausted and i wanted to go home.. haha i think that was all i wrote =P

NOV 21st - ENTRY LOST - shifting things between .com and .ca and saving here and there, it's lost. i'm sure most of u read it already....but it was the day that Sonlife lost our teammate, Brett Crothers....May comfort be with his family and discrnement given to all of us who are affected, to really look at life again. Live it to its fullest...you might never know, when it might be too late. God has responsiblities he's called us to ....let's shine His light and live His Love.

Sonlife salutes our lost teammate....help us in prayer as we bid farewell.

20.Nov.02
grrrr. i updated and pressed saved and it deleted it... here we go again!

well, now that i'm on page *2* of my 15 page term paper, yes, your eyes did not lie, 15 page term paper, i shall blog a bit. there's no point writing out another essay tonite b/c it's a waste of time.. but random thoughts and goodies for tonite

* God will never give you too much you can't handle .... rely on Him and remember what He guided you to originally and you'll be fine ...always
* think about what you're doing before you do it and it'll make life much easier to comprehend (that's an old one)
* "there's nothing a little prayer won't fix"
* when you turn your heater on in your room to the point you gotta open a window and drink water every minute, learn to get your butt off your chair and turn it down! (yes...i was lazy)
* airway comes before breathing and circulation. lol (I was a part of *Operation Campus Wide* for UW's campus response team.. i was sooo nervous but it was a good experience..like a doctor! hehe)
*never start a term paper a week before it's due when on the same day you have a 40% design project, which is the day after u have a 5% essay and a 25% econ midterm (that be Me again...)
* at the end of each day, look back on life and count your blessings.. because there are so, so many
* and realize that challenges in life are always to benefit our growth and faith...because of them we are able to aspire for even higher goals and better dreams
* God will never, ever give you too much you can't handle with His help.
*Patience and Love go hand in hand...

debs out... term paper time.... good night and sleep tight

19.Nov.02
did u know that "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be".. is theoretically incorrect? says some friend of a friend's. because God gave us freewill and choice to choose.. but He's there to cover us either way but events do happen otherwisse too

anyways, kick mee!... haha jus kidding
you know those moments where you finally realize thigns and are able to answer the questions going thru ur mind.. and it was sooo simple! that's why mr. Collins in Architecture class kept stressing in high school, KISS! Keep it Simple Stupid!

it's 6 pm and deb's finally moving along her term paper... one paragraph at a time.. at a much faster pace.. snapped out of my inability to focus mood. Sometimes you mite spend hours praying about something, having advice and insight and opinions and.. garbage too.. throw from all directions at u and allll it takes is one person who you don't even usually talk to to sum it all up in one word.. and it's so clear. every other thing that you figured out with the help of God and insight from others snaps into place and u feel like a whole load is off your shoulders!

God is GOOD! =))) *Shubox* once said,

"Deb, take it from me, if you keep searching, you won't be disappointed. Don't consider me all high in my knowledge in the bible because I DO fall too, but the point I'm trying to make is that, even I am in awe of a lot of things God teaches me in my life... Even now ;)"

and after being in such a rut, and each day trying sooo hard to seek what God's trying to say and piecing thigns together and learning and trying to build up, and trying to be patient, I realized i wasn't that far off.... I just unable to pinpoint where exactly some things were at. And where's the problem. what's the root.

...sometimes the very thing you're so confident about is the very spot where you're.. WRONG. Insecurity, fear, past experiences can eat you up if you don't learn to develop the courage to leave it behind. gotta stare at it and face it.. no point to run or hide. good things don't come easy. self-imposed frustration from making excuses for reasons

I remember yesterday at church, when they had a skit to demonstrate how people say hi randomly to people and have casual conversations, or have these shallow or surface talks with advice that is creditless... it really skews things in life. In Life, to really let people love you and care about you requires us to go deeper and allow people to understand, to go deep and like the speaker said "it's ok to be vulnerable about being yourself".. and know that there are people who will accept all those things unconditionally.

I remember sometime in October, I randomly wrote "have the courage to keep something real"...It was like a forecast for myself too ^_^ Now that God's ascended me to cloud nine and grounded me even more, He's been so faithful and strengthened me through my weaknesses.... It's now my courage.. and strength.. to *have the courage to keep something real*.....

=) time to do some work for debs... feel free to leave me an > uh oh < =) like so many of u don't seem to realize you're ALWAYS doing hehee

listenin to: [Ekin - together] |||| [BSB - How Did I fall in love with you] |||| [98 degrees - The Love that You've been looking for]|||[Kai - It might be you]
[Nsync - I don't wanna spend one more Christmas without u] lyrics 1st verse..yumm.
Justin Timberlake - [Never Again] - good lyrics

"Have the courage to trust Love one more time, and always, one more time."
- Maya Angelou ~ let the magic continue... sounds like disney xP
..maybeh once more. good things are worth it. it's by choice.

18.Nov.02
*HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENN!!! love you sis *

tonight, the most breath-taking song of worship

I will give you this moment
Put the world far behind me
And fall at your feet
I will seek you completely
with all of my heart
Until you have all of me
take all of me
until I am not my own
take every piece
take every part
take every portion of my heart
and I will give you this moment
.+.

today again, deb did not accomplish much at home. maybe it was too quiet. since two in the townhouse went to full day classes and another is still in TO. or maybe i just can't get my mind on my work.

my granny called me THREE times today! hehe.. I really miss her... and she's really getting the hang of using this long distance thing... i was so touched =)

tonight, I went to service at Embassy again and once again, it had great impact on me. Worship was AMAZING...Tonight was chapter 4, "Keep it on the surface" of November's series on "how to fail in relationships", with guest speaker Dave Larmour. This guy really knows how to speak eloquently and forcefully. The first question was "how close do you let your friends get to the real you"? Who is the real you? The speaker used the analogy of the table of his life to illustrate the people that God has placed in his life. And he described to us how each character has touched his life. First off, someone in real life proposed to his girlfriend tonite using the projector screen at church, and she said yes! It was kinda neat... and with that, the speaker told them that marriage, is the most beautiful thing in the world. His grandmother and grandfather were married for many years..but in the later years, he ended up in a wheelchair, quite ill. His grandmother with all her will, took care of him and pushed him around. At the time, the speaker asked his girlfriend, "if I was sick like that, would you still love me? would you push me around?" and she said yes. *that was so beautiful*. The point of the story though, is that his grandmother was his hero, and now his wife is his hero too. To give up yourself for the life of another, to sacrifice in love for another is to become "other-centered" instead of "self-centered". He said, it is so beautiful when his wife stares at him.. because she looks directly at him with grace-filled eyes, that tell him she accepts him for who he is, unconditionally. I asked myself if I could be as accepting.. and I would hope that one day I would be that grace-filled wife for my husband.

As he continued to speak, he talked about being who we are. That true relationships require a courageous faith, and a conviction to love. It's not easy and thus is rare to find. Honesty is also a key. To have incredible honesty will nourish any type of relationship.. and it's okay to be vulnerable about who we are... because we're all changing constantly.. but it's imporatnt to be honest. People leave fingerprints all over us - our parents, friends, etc. And " any view we have in life is from those who hoisted us up on their shoulders." *wow* "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

God created us to experience "community". In Ecclesiastes 4, God shows us that we're not made to be alone.. He's provided people in our lives to experience what community means; its almost the mandate by which we were created. Even God, is a triune God, which is three in one, in perfect unity. God invites us to relate to one another at such a level to reflect His love and glory. The quality of relationships have a direct corelation with the quality of life; if we dare to strive towards strong relationships, then our lives will be carried out strongly too.

Everyone of us was created this way:
- to love & be loved.
- to know & be known.
- to serve & be served.
- to celebrate & be celebrated.

It's about taking off the mask and being completely ourselves. We don't hide behind trees like Adam did when he realized he was naked in the Garden of Eden after the fall, but we still hide. We hide behind our academics, our pride, our peer groups, our money, our possessions, and all this because of sin. Not only do we hide, but we hurl. We blame others when things don't go well and pass the blame onto those even who love us. Instead of sitting around, having superficial conversations about nothing with so many people, we need to get real and celebrate those who we are in true relations with in life. Because at the end of the journey, whether a day's worth or lifetime's worth, to sit at an empty table of life is not something we'd want.

There are 5 aspects of community which he stressed:
1. Spontaneity
2. Availabillity
3. Frequency
4. Shared Experiences
5. Geography & direct communication

in summary, to make time for the people that matter most, and not to overlook them. And to be consistant.

lastly, the cross. The cross has two axes.. vertical and horizontal. Both need to be set straight in place. If we seek God and live in pleasing and loving ways, only then will we learn to love and let that horizontal axis sit perfectly in place. And he ended off with, "and at the end of each day, let other leave some fingerprints on you and you yourself, leave some fingerprints behind.... " Go deeper.
*~*~*~*~*~*
now that I'm done, anyone reading this is probly thinking, go do your essay! which is what I'm heading off to work on now...hehe.. at 5:30 tomorro morning, there's going to be a meteor shower!!..... when we were younger, they always told us about shooting stars....And I still haven't seen one yet.. maybe this year.. now that i'm 19 and still, not understanding all the heartaches in the world of an ordinary young woman.

in a Bible pre-study tonight, a principle defined was "do good works and Love"... So no matter what the secular world has to say, or all the questions remained unanswered, or what decisions in the next little while that will occur that have to do with me...... I'll hold on tight.. for God's brought us this far... in His plan.. there's good reasons to everything and how they happen. I lift my worries to You Lord...You gave me a glimpse of such great things to come and now I know it's a test of faith.... what is another week or month or longer.. after years of perserverance you have taught us...You've dried my tears and reassured me... and I thank You...If it is Your plan, it will come

Love surpasses everything, and is the greatest thing to be achieved.. inspired from 1 Corinthians 13:13

17.Nov.02
trembling..outside the winter seems so cold

I'm just an ordinary girl. Everyday more ordinary.
I have a heart. A heart that beats with joy, a heart that beats with love.
The same heart is fragile, fearful. But through love, a quiet courage.

It's cold in waterloo. Cold when you miss the bus for church in the morning. Cold when you're out there at night in pajamas. Colder when it's just one person standing in that frosty white, winter wonderland. Cold when trembling hands turn red. Colder on the way back to home than it was to wander out. >_<

They say, "to have had a positive impact on another's life, makes a life worth living". What if you know you've had a negative impact? Can't it be made positive?

I don't really like how society works in many ways. Some things I value or find precious mean little or nothing to others. I'm still striving to separate from certain secular ways of thinking so I don't have to doubt or question or feel shortchanged. Giving is the greatest gift...I gotta remember.. there's no room for selfishness if I'm living for God.

Against all odds. I don't care what they say. I choose to trust.
Through God, all things are possible. the greatest stories of pain, forgiveness, love, trust, faith... u name it. God can change people and everyone deserves to be trusted. The past doesn't matter. And to share something real, takes great courage.

HERE BEGINS DEB's CRAZY WEEK of essays, projects and a midterm... finals start the week after... rest is just around the corner!!...been a peaceful and very quiet weekend here in the townhouse... and now everyone's home.. it's warmer.... good luck to all....happy monday!

Trust; In God's time, it can only grow stronger. Love never fails.

16.Nov.02
.outside it's a cold cold winterlude.

ever wake up in the afternoon, roll around in bed for a few hours, and then don't accomplish much for the whole day? well, that was my saturday in waterloo. but now that it's almost time for bed, I'm awake and doing work more productively. I gotta get going.. this is one crazy week of university for me.. and I just realized my finals will be done in roughly 4 weeks...which means all this reading must be caught up for it plus projects.. and looking at it makes my cringe..BUT in the end, it'll have to be done...so what I just wrote won't matter.

jon & andrew are under a lot of anxiety.. which puts their little sister, me, in a position of relief which I hope helps? usually it's the other way around and it's double! nonetheless, everything will be ok and I'll pray for you two, ok? jon, you don't have to redefine.. just BE yourself and now that everything's dismissed, be grateful you learned.

since I did nothing today cept for some project sketches, I did a lot of thinking. In cell group, we talked about patience and prayer and how we receive God's blessings. I've really learned that it's a woman's place to be patient...and I'm striving towards it more and more. I've also realized how long a way things can come in life, and that it took me a long time to grow up and move away from petty things. That came from talking to my little sister Jenn earlier today and she's really growing up.... and I was just saying how I can't wait till she does. Anyway, sometimes we let the past weigh too much on what we think and how we deal with the present and future. That's where all my insecurities used to come from. But I think as time went on, God's really offered this kind of indescribable grace, whereby love covers it all, through forgiveness. He's allowed me to see what matters, and what's important to me, thus allowing me to accept what's happened or happens. As long as the big picture is clear, and values remain strong, a change in how we see other things, hear what people say, or whatever it may be, is possible, and in some cases, good change. For a person who hated change, it's a pretty overwhelmingly freeing concept. Sometimes we overthink things, and sometimes we underthink. But that we invest thought into it, relfects its importance. For me, I'm learning not to let the past, or little things affect my perception and decisions for today and tomorrows to come. I used to think forgiving and not forgetting was impossible...but it actually is. Because Things happen for a reason... and the great ways in which God work are often subtle until we open our eyes to see. In so many ways, I am so grateful...

And to put it altogether, I feel God's allowing me to develop a courage to trust.. have faith that even if I have some uncertainties, that things will fall into place. Nothing's ever going to be perfect, because we live on this planet called Earth... and society doesn't seem to be bettering certain values. However, we can hold onto God's promises and His faithfulness. There's no need to "question everything" as Emily Dickenson once said. And that phrase from His Word that was in that magical valedictorian speech just sticks ...Love, for love never fails...

15.Nov.02
unsure.

today i got my plan 110 design and communications projects back.. well the first few.... and i got 87 and 90 =) ...this will help anchor my average a bit... hehe

after class, ryan and sam were here!!! just for a bit hehe... miss u guys!! spent my afternoon with ray doing laundry *cute Tide detergent tablets* & watching celebrity jeopardy & simpsons.... stuff I don't usually get to watch cept when my sister has it turned on and i'm not busy hehe.

tonite I chilled with Liz!! we went to dinner and fellowship afterwards... at fellowship, a girl wrote a very beautiful song about God and our dependance on Him... and also, one of our volleyball teammates Calvin shared a short testimony about suffering and giving things up for God.... which made me think a lot...

my two gorgor's met up with Liz & I after and we checked out Ground Fx5, some breakdancing event... Style Syndrome, why'd u go to western this weekend?!! haiiiiye.. too bad.... now that gorgor's are gone... I'm home alone cuz tammy, juliana AND steph all went home this weekend..... dun worry gurls, I washed our bathroom stuffs hehe

i like the intro to this song.... but it won't be up for long.. cuz it's not sweet heh

Trust. I start to wonder
* love is a leap of faith. takes courage *

14.Nov.02
in a month i'll be in TO again lol

that's right.... this term is almost over...kinda scary.. but it's not over juust yet... finals are just around the corner... eveyrone's saying how I finish so early... dec 10th... well for allll your information, me and jus were talking about a formal Christmas dinner party ..where we all dress up and have a grown up party.. home cooked meal.. yummm? well, while eveyrone's still madly writing those finals, I'll be planning this thing hehe

today in my planning social issues class someone raised the idea of influencing gender issues through built forms.. that is, building more feminist architecture in society to balance the masculinity of all our skylines, etc.. sounds crazy eh? but it's kinda neat... in Lord of the Rings, apparently its architecture is quite .feminin... anyways, I just wrote my brief on women in poverty.... that other idea was just really creative

and for all UW peeps reading, after class I stood outside the Dana Porter Library to wait for our friend steph.. doo dee doo.. i was like.. hmmm 11:30... where is she?? then at 11:35 i slowly recall the rest of the conversation we had when we changed the meeting location!! ahh so I ran to DC to meet her. boyeee, debs felt stupid.. then she drove us to get ray, and then met up with her boyfriend alex, and us 4 had *dim sum* in downtown waterloo.... yummmmmmm... i haven't had a chance to yum cha in so long.... been deprived lol... anyways... put steph and ray together and u get the weirdest conversations haha. that's my waterloo adventure for the day

my TO related news is that monday is my sister's birthday!!! and she tells me she doesn't need anything because lil derrick is putting a smile on her face... if you ever read this, treat her right or u'll have to speak to ME >_< lol... jus kiddin... anyways... have a great party jenn =)

to mabel, stay strong.... thanks 4 being a great sis =) kitty, sorry i cut our conversation short yesterday... calll meeeeeeee again lol ...btw i rewrote that 1 corinthians 13 passage in Chinese again.... I still can't read it all haha... o_O.. susan.. i miss u.. i tried calling u..pick up ur phone!! *hugs* tammy and alvin are actually going to be A-p-A-R-t this weekend! one goes home and one goes western with the boys... and they mite drop by first!! yay!! =) Al - i still say guys should always lead..... don't complain lol...

alrite, here comes the weekend.... take care & enjoy!!

make me sure.

13.Nov.02
...walking in a winter wonderland....

it's only november 13th, but it's freezing outside!! today deb slept SO much... cuz I didn't have class until 6... and I finally went to class this week!! hehe..Jamie nagged me to go cuz she's lonely in class.. it's good I went tho.... the lecture was pretty straight forward and now I don't have to read as much =)

tonite ray broke his car. no wait, his window. the window of his car. hehe...it's not funnie...his civic is his baby..his pride and joy and he spent two hours fixing it...in the dark!!! o_O

My room's soOoo nice now =) Ray help me put up Christmas lights in my room .. and now it's all lit up and festive =) hehe... p.s. he loves "HAPPY 2000".. it's one of his favourite breaking beats ...hahhahaa jk

i called my mom today... I should call her more often.. she's so happy to hear from me.. even though I didn't get to say much! hehe....anyways... time for deb to finish her weekly brief for tomorrow...juliana, after 3 days of werking on her essay just yelled "help me dentify my thesis!" haha... great.. there's a knock at the door...ken and shek are here to join alvin...great, no sleep for us.. hehe.. jk... g'nite everyone!

ekin [together] doo doo doo

12.Nov.02
Blessed.

10:30 pm. I look back on many years of so many ups and downs and various experiences in my life and discover, that God's really provided me with ample opportunities to learn and grow in Him in a way I never imagined. Now, I'm able to discern many things that in the past, would fluster me to the point I would react based solely on emotion. I have many wonderful friends, brothers and sisters in Christ and some who are not, all firing all sorts of opinions at me and telling me what to do and what not to do, but recently, I have discovered that even with that I've matured. I still take in everything you guys say (honestly) and some of you are bitter people haha... (joke).. but more importantly, I can't praise God enough for this patience I've developed in waiting on God's response to me, and praying and making sure that I let Him keep me grounded with what He wants, and not myself. It doesn't make it any simpler. In fact, it can take more time and more effort and even more prayer. But, I know that I've matured now to realize what I need to do ---to first be kept on track with God... then everything follows welll and snug in place. I have confidence now that whatever decisions I make.... I'll be alright because God's guiding me in all that I do. And if I fall, His grace will cover me though I am inadequate.

As I look back, I also discover what great work God has done in His almightly Love and power...situations that caused so much pain and many trials and tribulations, stumbles and mistakes, have transformed from what used to be a hinderance to something that can spur growth and something beautiful. Things that were so broken can be repaired through Him in which all things are possible. And by faith, and trust, things can change for the better. People can mature. And finally, when two people are both running with strong hearts towards God and take from what He has tested us with, can grow closer in a relationship which God has so graciously blessed.

Things that used to hinder transformed into opportunities to now grow in unison. Every relationship is an opportunity to model Christ's Love. At Embassy, Brandon reiterated, "the way we relate to one another has an impact on how we relate to God." I feel that after I finally let go of my time, it's now God's time. I pray that I can be a woman of faith, who looks first to the interest of whom I love before myself [philippians 2:4], who cares first to listen and care before I am quick to speak [1 James 19], to live by the Spirit and seek Him in all circumstances that may arise [ Galatians 5], to love deepyly, from the heart [ 1 Peter 1:22], with commitment and selflessness, to spur growth and understanding, even at great costs [ proverbs 4:7], and to trust, because God takes care of our relationships and He blesses them if we allow Him to work in us.

Lastly,I hold on tight to God's promises.... It brings joy to my heart and humbles me to my knees of what His love can do, and how He imposes change. I think He's finally telling me, "you have waited and endured..and it is now My time.."

Love, because love never fails. Never. [1 corinthians 13:8]

Though I may not know what's to come Lord, I sleep in peace and I thank You for all the blessings You have showered down and all the work You've done in us. I trust in Your unfailingly Love, and I'm reassured that You'll grant me the courage and faith to shine for You at all times, in any circumstance.

11.Nov.02
today was Remembrance Day and for the first time since I was 3, I did not take part in the moment of silence at 11, nor any assembly or ceremony. I guess at MAC today everyone was in their music sweaters, and in the most serious manner holding each year's Remembrance Day ceremony. Surely, the world is quite small, but it is also quite big when it comes to us and how much we can do presently to help keep it peaceful... but we can start with our personal worlds and the people we interact with on campus or those still in high school, or at work.

this morning at 7:57 am i was so glad to have completed my now well known *term paper* lol...which i did last night straight from midnight after i spoke to Lis and of course chilled with Al haha...shut up. lol. term papers are NOT meant to be last minute.... someone smack me lol.. either way, it's DONE! i even managed to squeeze in a shower before class... and then i fell asleep in class haha

i think we're wanting to decorate our townhouse for the season.. right gurls? hehe.. tammy decorated her door tonite with all MY pictures lol.. jus kidding... juliana and steph were yearbook obsessed tonite even though one has a midterm tomorro

and... my highlight of the evening was *EMBASSY* once again....tonite was week 3 of November's "How to Fail in Relationships" and tonite's sermon was on Communication.. and it was awesome.... I'm gonna really type up the notes this time and post it up tomorrow...but here's a few points that really spoke to mee and some I could use right now:

" send and receive the message properly "
"Each of you should look not only to your own interests but that of others." Phil. 2:4
"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak." James
"Shallow conversations are a sure way to fail in communication."
"If there is any way it can be misunderstood - by someone, somewhere, sometime - it will be misunderstood. " Brickley's Law
"Though it costs all you have, get understanding." Proverbs 4:7
"Love one another deeply, from the heart" 1 Peter 1:22.

tonite's worship was awesome.. =) and my friend Liz (hi liz!!) came with us tonite which was lotsa fun hehe.... alrite.. deb is officially tired out.. time to go to bed... haven't sleep since i woke up for church sunday morning...but before I fall onto my comfy comfy bed, I'll leave u all with something from Campus Journal that I read tonite...

Truth is important. It reflects on your relationship with others, but more important, on your witness for Jesus.

Are you trying to cover up something today? Give up trying to hide. Let truth guide you as you make the right moves, not dead-wrong decisions. --Tom Felten

..interesting to think about for everyone =)
and for me, a good 8 hours of sleep ..atleast! and of course one sweeeet dream ; ) g'nite!

[Together] - Ekin | [What I Care About Most] - Steven Ma
i need to be suure.

10.Nov.02
taking a break from my term paper..
yesterday kitty and george and george's 2 other friends came to visit! and i got to catch up with my kittttttty and we all ate lunch at east side Mario's.. which was yummie...thanks george!

this morning I just wanted to share a lil something from church...it's nothing spectacular.. but i was touched and had a tear in my eye =*)

Great is the Lord
*And Lord we want to lift Your Name on high..*
*for the works You've done in our lives*..
*And Lord we trust in Your unfailing love*;
For you alone are God eternal,
Throughout earth and heaven above...

i got my b'day & commencement pics! well.. 3 of the 4 rolls hehe.. dun worry about it susan....a lot of funnie ones... good job bonbon lol.... i'll pass on the ones with jus breaking haha

tonite our volleyball team in waterloo played our first.. and last playoff game...and deb feels horrible horrible horrible for screwing up the last point.... =( it was game point and my turn to serve and i messed it up =( there's nothing worse than that feeling of practising and hoping u dun let ur team down and then..... the last point .... aiyea... hopefully our team will still play together next term.. it'll be cool

the car ride home was fun... our teammate steph was driving and we were going through massive puddles of water... sPpppLasH!! lol ....*what a night =)*

after tomorro at 11:30 when class is over.. i'll be so relieved.. this "term paper" is annoying.. hehe

...do u see my hands they tremble.. can u see my face aglow...|Christina Aguilera
...I wanna be sure.

8.Nov.02
=) let's see what deb did today....

* got my second project back in design - 87%....yay!
* went on a photocopying-grocery shopping-gas station-cookie adventure with ray =)
* witnessed that kinko's is highly INefficient for anything
* i want to put little Christmas lights in my room...glowing & dreamy hehe
* attended Waterloo CCF's "Lifesong" which was really good...some really moving music and sharing
[ congratulations to Tania... ur skit w/ Helen was amazing =) your journey to directorship has just begun =)]
* got to see Shubox!!! thanks for yet another surprise : )
* now I have a massive headache from lack of sleep... so dizzy...but i forced myself to get up and work on my term paper...which brings me here hehe

I'm not coming home afterall mabo/susan... I'm staying and kitty's coming in tomorro!!! can't wait! It'll be fun...and she can help me brainstorm for my term paper heh

I pray that God keeps me grounded, and shining for Him in all that I do. I am in awe, feeling like i can never comprehend this type of great Grace and Love He continues to pour down, showering blessings upon blessings that I do not deserve. God's so good.

I really wonder if there is that 10th orbit past *cloud nine*.. I wanna be sure.

*a thankful, thankful heart*
6.Nov.02
11:27 pm... finished my essay and now it's time to read up for the term paper.. my first term paper of university... eek!

yestserday my friend tania took me to downtown waterloo's Plantation for dessert (for lunch) for my b'day hehe..and i was so happy i got to go. didn't expect to get a chance to.... and then tooooday, ray took my downtown again! =) got to walk around and check it out... altho I think we didn't hit the nicest parts of it...haha. then we went shopping for his new phone.. which is reallie reallie reeeeallie nice ; ) so if anyone needs an old phone, speak to him... he'll be begging u to take it

cheryl came to visit us in waterlooooooo!!! she gave me another birthday present... *thanks!*..sorry i didn't get to chill with u... cuz mr. wiwwwwLson (wilson) hehe called me and talked to me. thanks bro..I'm so grateful that God has someone there to be accountable for me...and telling me when i slip.

i was reading cal's card to me today...and I just wanted to say thanks for praying for me and i must say.. mighty prediction there.." That's why I picked this card for you..by the end of this weekend, you'll be like the happy face on this card.. I just know it..... you will be overjoyed since you will be spending some much needed time with your friends. Finally, you will be happy since it's your birthday. I hope you enjoy this day.." yup, *overjoyed* and still on *cloud nine*. if there's such thing as a tenth, I think I'm on 10.

5.Nov.02
*THaNk YoU!!!!*
another birthday is come and gone & debs is 19! And of these 19 years that I look back on, I wouldn't trade them for anything else. I've learned so much and endured so much with God's help... People come and go, but a very special crowd stayed and made a difference in my life. This year, I just wanted to let you all know that I had a very, very, memorable birthday in every single possible way and I cannot thank God enough for all the blessings He's so graciously placed in my life. I am so honoured to have such caring and sincere friendships with such wonderful people - you! I can't tell you guys in words the amount of joy I've experienced since last wednesday when it was jus chen's bday through to chiling at Laurier, commencement, family lunch, birthday gathering, my sunday back in waterloo, my monday night on the phone with my gurlies, the explosion of messages at midnight, and the surprises that pop in front of me every corner I turned. I'm not worthy of all this nor do I deserve it by any means and I don't know how happy I am to receive all this....all at the same time as many situations turning into something so beautiful around me and just many realizations... as well as testimony upon testimony of God's great power to work in us. I just wanted to say thank you for everything each of you have done for me to make this birthday the bestest *week* of my life and every hour, a full 24th of a day's 24 hours of joy. I've had the oppotunity to spend time with or talking to so many special people in the last few days and from every icq msg to susan's text msg to the very last phone call..I've been touched and I'll never forget this early morning when I began to weep tears of happiness. I don't deserve all this. I've been floating on cloud nine & I don't wanna get off. I'm kinda scared it's just an illusion...that it won't stay...but as always, each of you are close in my heart. Remember that. Every day of the year. God's been so good to mee. It's been unbelievable. =*)

this is mee, talking to keiko, with a *cheek to cheek* schmile. That cake is from tams & Al - my first own cake since a long time. All snug in my baby pink modrobes from my cousin Pamela which u can't see, and in this cozy sweatshirt from ray. Yes kitty, I am wearing what u gave me. Yes Lis, I am also wearing the *ahem* but I'm not gonna show it. it would not be appropriate lol..

12:04 am
now that i'm at my comp....
just wanted to say thanks for almost freezing my computer everyone!!! lol
ppl wanted to know if they're the first...
WELL, no one beat gorgor *jon* who called my PHONE at midnight =0) kekeke
first on ICQ was *ray*, 12:00
almost tied with *mabo*, 12:00
then *kitty*, *bonnie* at 12:01 and then my waterloo friend *sharon*, then *vida* at 12:04!
oh and i got an ecard from *ali* and *kayhen* - hap burday to u too gurlie=)
and then *jae*, *clive*, *bert*, *andrew*, *jus yee*, *derek lin*, *caL*, *jeremy*, *carrie*, *vivek*, *tiff*, *j.Lo*..
then..... ok i lost track of all the rest.... but *thank you* =)
thnx for the ecard yesterday shubox =)
I dunno what else to say...

one the side: something sillie? when things go right, even my presents match! thanks for the scarf cal.. i saved it for a good reason! it matches all that blue stuff from ray =)

4.Nov.02
... the power of prayer...
| so scared sometimes of when things mite end but.... overjoyed |

11:40 am... resnet has been up and down all night..it;s so annoying.. i'm on phone with mabolam and she says she's cool. uh huh. hehee =0) anyways, today i walked to campus so many times and it was SO cold brrr... I gotta learn to dress appropriately heh... my ears hurt again... nuuuuu...dun wanna get sick

went to Embassy tonite...that church is amazing.. and the worship is amazing....tonite's msg was the start of November series of How to Fail in Relationships, a backwards way of showing us what God would want us to do in our relationships and friendships with people. I'll post the sermon notes later when I retype them out.

..ppl who I haven't seen in ages remembered it's my birthday hehe.. i feel seepecial lol... thx der!

things in our townhouse are turning around... which is good. We're willing to forgive it all... I hope we'll all get along and that we can put it all in the past. =)

God's really turning a lot of things around for me...but I'm feeling like after suffering...am I worthy for all this to be answered? Or maybe it's not here to stay. how can I be sure? I put all my trust in Him.. He'll take care of my relationship with the people I love and keep us safe and sound. I'm afraid of getting hurt again... but like tonite's msg, "the way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost." G.E. Chesterson ...and that "if we do not take care or or appreciate the people in our lives, then chances are we aren't really having a strong relationship with Him either. " those are just two of the points from tonite that struck me. I know that when we pray feverently for God's guidance... it'll work. God always provides and He is just so awesome.

1:03 am
hoenstly, talking to bonnie tonite, I wanted to cry. I'm so grateful you finally said something and now we can all work at real friendships here.... I will pray about it =) and everything's suddenly coming together... all those "breakfast table" times... all the sorrow and good times we shared.... it's all filtered by these tears of joy that tell me.... we are one big family.... I don't know how to express my joy through words on a webpage right now because I'm touched by all my prayers that God has answered after all these trials and so much. So much doesn't matter anymore. "Love... it never fails"....ok now i'm crying, not just wanting to cry. I am so happy right now that I dunno how to describe it enough. Everything's finally clearing up and the sun shining.... Life is so beautiful. God is so Amazing. *God Bless*

good night..now that i've overupdated for today, I shall go to bed. I'm aching all over from this typing position.. aiyea! and my mattress won't help but I'll be havin' a sweet sweet dream so i dun care x )

In my uncertainties, I will trust. I hope I won't be let down.
He showers down His blessings when you least expect it. I cannot give thanks enough.
| - overjoyed - |

3.Nov.02
| I don't know how to be sure... |

duh duh duh dung, Columbia Lake Townhouses presents:
Days of our Lives, chapter 38, University of Waterloo
season premiere November 3, 2002...when the drama begins... SHEESH!!! ( bon & jus don't believe it for a second)...so here I sit at my computer.... tammy and alvin start, go through, and end a fight and are now cuddling in bed laughing haha.... and yea.. two of us sitting at our computers watching it. oh and pierce and andrew just left our house. WHAT A NIGHT.. for details, please ask. haha

well well, from justin chen's birthday till today.. lots has happened.. and it's not over yet.... he's like "and it's not even your birthday yet!" hehee..yea i wonder what else could happen... nonethless, it's been fun.. it's been a fun week but i'll pay for it soon enough when I catch up on all my reading.. aiyea.. for lisa's digicam pics from my bdayclick here commencement ones coming soon!!

debs tired....i made my mommy race her alero from TO to waterloo today so I could make it back for my team's volleyball practice...I didn't even eat lunch.. I didn't play too well...but I'm going to put in my 100% for these upcoming playoffs... volleyball's fun =) my car was FULL today.. i didn't even unpackage some stuff from yesterday.. just threw it all in the car.. now there's no space on my bed to sleep...everything's crowding it hehe

I missed any form of a home cooked meal this weekend due to all the commencement/get together birthday business and waking up late, BUT I got it back in waterloo =) Did you know that guys can cook?? I was impressed when Ray cooked me dinner tonite.. it was reallie good...his place looks like a hotel.. a smelly hotel..lol.. thanks for everything..

i think it's time to sleep... I have class tomorrow..and tonite's just gone way over my head... drama in my house just keeps rising..haha..i dunno what another day will unfold but i just hope that it's consistent. tonight I thought a lot about my family and our past... kinda meaningful but shakes me up a bit. All I know is I'll look to that cross and run.... as Jan's speech said.... stay true to yourself, to the people you love and most of all, stay true to the truth.. and love, because love never fails. If only my mom and granny could read me page, I would tell them in the most tiniest way, not even a token of how much, I LOVE THEM. Jen... u too. hang in there =)

|a night to remember, that's for sure|
|I pray that faith fuels this to remain strong and consistent|

2.Nov.02
[*my saturday in T.O.*]
woke up this morning totally tired from last night's ceremony and of course 2 hours on the phone with Suuuusan hehe. went to the doctor's office and waited an hour and a half for two shots (no, not alcoholic shots haha)...picked up my sister from Mandarin school...if you ever wanna see Chinese driving chaos at its peak, check out Mandarin school dismissal at Middlefield high school on saturday mornings... aiyea!!!!.... anyways, went to lunch with my family at Red Lobster.. yummmm..hehe.. my oldest cousin and his fiance got me this REALLY cool calendar/clock/thermometer that tells the time for cities around the world... u can pull the knob on the side to see toronto, hong kong, tokyo, paris, etc. Ooh!!! The long awaited, never found, BaBy PiNK ModRoBes that I've been searching for are finally here!!! my younger cousin MADE the salesrep sell her the newest style that wasn't on the rack yet because she knew i really wanted pink ones.. they're really nice.. sweatpants material on the inside and soft and cuddly on the outside.. Ok, the point of all this is not the presents...but that my cousin cared enough to pay attention to what I had to say all the time in the summer..and i dunno.... today's family "reunion" was so warm =0))) I think my granny really really enjoyed it =0)

I went shopping at STC today with my mommy and sis....and I went hunting for sweaters, boots and even some Christmas presents. I ended up getting a really nice sweater and a long black skirt from Ricki's and Smart Set....which I really liked altho now I'm so broke. hehe.. i'll use it over the Christmas holidays =)

tonite I had my T.O. birthday dinner...I just wanted to say *thank you* to all of you for taking time out of your busy busy university lives to spend it with mee.. it means a lot to me to have each of you there.... seriously.. I couldn't ask for more than to spend it with the people I care about. hehe... we took enuffffff pics tonite eh... esp. with Lisa's digicam kekeke.... I even broke my own camera.. which is not good =( haha.. BuBBLe tea was so much fun.. a lot of people came that was a pleasant surprise.. esp. sindy & go ken =0) hehe and of course my two bethune teddies, Jo & Daniel...*hehe*... and caL, I opened your card, but I'm saving your present till the actual day =) The new Destiny at Midland and Steeles is reallie cool.. I like it =)

*thank you* so much for every moment everyone.... just a few quick things... *bonbon & jus*, thanks for a totally FUNNNN week and making my bday so special...thanks for sticking up for me and tammy kekeke, to my girls who were full of thoughts tonite *susan, kitty, mabo*...take care.. I'm praying for you guys & I just wanna remind u, I'm here always...=) thanks so much for everything...carrie & jerry - all the laughs.. u guys make the party so much fun hehehhe... *the breakers & extended family* thanks for always making me laugh SO hard and do the goofiest things that no one else would ever do haha... con, I'll show u next time my hip isn't bruised =).. *lis, dork, james, ken, clive, ivan, dave, anders, jackie* thanks for makin' me schmile hehe....& good luck with those assignments. Gorgor #1 & #2 each made it to one hehee.. but i'll wait till tuesday when jon stops making fun of me for a day.... sheesh haha. *shar*... keep enjoying those lab sessions =) miss u!!..*tammy* haha i read the card.. yes, whole day, whole house affair just for the heck of it eh? haha we'll see...=) ok thas enufff... i'll stop. basically, thanks for the gift of ....time =)

welll my fun week is almost approaching it's anticlimax..i still didn't get my mom's homecooked meal =( haha that'd be nice...fine dining at home, candlelit and the works haha... heading back into waterloo really early tomorro so I can practice volleyball with my team....g'nite everyone.... take care =)

| a lil unsure of my own ability to trust once more...|
|..but I will if I see it's strong enough to stay this time..|
| IF |

1.Nov.02
[peekaboo, a sleighride in the snow...with you..?]

...so deb missed class for a reason this morning.. in Waterloo it's pouring....

SNoWFLaKeS!

*it's a WinTeR WonDeRLoo!*
the snow gently falls, but the wind...
|outside the winter seems so cold...|| leap of faith |
happy weekend...see u all back in TO

*11:59 pm*.. commencement has come and gone *poof!* I must agree with Mrs. Patterson that really, commencement at Macdonald is silly every year because something's bound to be blatently unfair, etc. However, as I sat in my seat listening to all the honours and awards of our graduating class...I began to think, what's the point of all this?? it's so set up... some people who deserved something didn't get anything just like Sean last year and some people who stepped all over some of my friends are recognized as caring individuals of academic and social excellence?? I was like.. what the.... what an exaggeration. BUT!!! get this, hehe....

*CONGRATULATIONS 2 my partner in crime, ANDY!!!!* BEST BOY OF THE CLASS OF '02 !!!!!!
I just wanna congratulate you one more time ONLINE so everyone can be proud of you too... you were always humble and never once considered yourself a candidate for it and truly, you were a quiet leader but with an influencial presence. Seee, it did pay off... I'm so happy for you!!!!

finally something fair I thought to myself and all the better for it to be one of our friends =0) then I guess terence's call about best gurl was doomed to be true in the end.....speeches can be very exaggerated eh? lol... anyways, the part of the evening that touched me the most, and made me swell up in tears was....

*JAN HANNA's VALEDICTORIAN SPEECH*
..Jan, if you ever get to read this. I am so honoured to have voted for you from day one, before the vote even began. I knew you were the one to do the job and you did a BEAUTIFUL job. Your speech was wonderful and I'm sure every one of us '83's were moved tonite.. hehe.. the moon and stars must have been aligned and the planets spinning backwards... cuz it was our year =) *There's a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven* ..."stay true to ourselves, stay true to people but most importantly, stay true to the truth"... "A picture says a thousand words, then memories say a million..." ...and to top it all off.... to love. because "love never fails". Thats when I couldn't hold it in... it really connected....thank you Jan, in a personal way. Jan, whoever doubted you was humbled tonite because through God's word you filled that auditorium with a magic.. I could see it in Ambrose's quivering awe at the end =) CONGRATULATIONS =)

Praise God for a meaningful commencement, where it's not the awards that are important, but the milestone in our lifetimes, and what we can give with what we have accomplished..... I am SO very tired at the moment and tomorro's going to be a long day..pictures from tonite coming real soon =) good nite everyone, onto saturday we go... and tonite, a special salute to the class of 2002 ;)

31.Oct.02
one last chance. no turning back.

11:36 pm.. after another crazy webcam session, it's time to get the cake ready for justin's belated celebration.. so everyone's downstairs now~

nothing much more to say today... the week's coming to it's end.. i guess when u think alot and people come visit.. and everything added together makes it go by fast.

tomorrow and saturday I get to see soOoo many people again... miss u guys incredibly much...people've asked me what's my wish this year.. i dunno. I give thanks for what I already have and choose not to let friendships drift...those are some of my greatest assets and so, my only hope is that the people I love are true to themselves and what they really know deep inside their hearts..not to give up, but have faith.

sitting at Mel's diner tonite before everyone got there... I thought.. hmmm what's something I would like to do this year?...
*spend a cozy night at home with my favourite slow songs and a granny apple bubble tea, and a good conversation
*a walk in waterloo park
*a homecooked meal... yummmie
*a simple carefree day
*drive around and do nothing haha
*sit on roof and stare at stars
*not get hurt.

|have the courage to keep something that's truly real.|
*meh*, deb's going to bed after we party... early class tomorro and here comes the weekend. g'nite everyone

30.10.02
when something finally hits you, it finally matters

2:42 just got home from Asian Focus Jam!!! tonite was so much fun..first of all..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUSTIN!!!!!! high 5 =)*

tonite bonbon and justin came up from T.O. and we chilled a bit in our townhouse.. getting ready for the AF Jam... fun fun fun hehehe.... so glad that bonbon is here to stick up for me and tammy in this house. kekeke ;) check out our webcams in my picture section

finally got to check out Al's place at Bricker. see.. if it was a girl's room it would be perfect... there would be more "stuff" so it wouldn't look like a cell.. BUT it IS niiiice... the desks and wall units are so cool=0)

AF Jam was lotsa fun... but I'm soOOo tired!! i dunno HOW people can drink and dance and wake up the next morning.. I was wasted JUST DANCING haha =) met Monica... saw Lis!!! =0) *awwww* =), yeung had 12 beers and 6 shots & a gurl .. haha...saw some Style Syndrome moves for the first time since Ath Banquet..whoo =)Bonbon and Lis apparently are trying to get me to drink....mmmm ..nope! I mean.. MAYBE on my birthday but i don't see the need to...I think it's pretty stupid.. but hey, if I change my mind on this.. I better have a GOOD reason.. cuz right now, I'm not changing my mind. I only drink a bit at a wedding or some sort of formal celebration.

i just found out that on Dec 3rd, tripod.ca will be officially closed down and everything must be transferred to tripod.com. that means, deb has a LOT of transferring to do =( every file, image, source, wma....aiyea... anyone wanna help? *ech*

I did absolutely nothing today. I slept in with a major headache from thinking about things and i printed out some photos to add to my walls....tidied up my room..relaxing tho to have nothing (well I'm leaving everything till next wednesday after all the fun) and jus wait for friends to come visit =) hehe... time to go...party starts when they get home from jitz..and i'm supposed to cook them "some grub". g'nite everyone...keep things real.

He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.Colossians 1:17

everyone's tired. personally, I'm tired of getting shoved down and having to climb back up to get shoved aside again. in life, we learn to give and take. giving is the greatest gift..but we all need to feel loved. Time and time again, someone hurt me and acted like they could care less; even when I really wanted to be there and have them there. for me, "tough love" is a hard concept. if something happens in the past that affects people, forgetting them doesn't make mistakes any better. Men and women of faith.."all eyes on you" applies for all friends seeking or believing, who saw that title and witnessed something else; it's a responsibility. What is giving up before trying hard? Good things don't come easy. How many more real things will you let pass you by? Some things, not the months or years or anything can erase. Through God's strength, all things are possible. It's whether or not you have the courage to do something about it.

a test of faith...perseverance.. stand still.. or leap. time will tell
"the map is right here. the chance has been sitting there. i dare you to move"

29.10.02
|she turns away...i dare you to move.|
"would you stand, or walk away?" - nsync - are u gonna be there?

on the phone with gorgor #1...well, just hung up. cell group was amazing tonite....meeting with my sister Tania was amazing today too. but missing all you people in toronto is not fun lol. BUT bonnie, jus and lisa arrive at CLT at 8 pm tomorro.. wee =0) it's FREEZING outside...so cold. walked to women's cell and walked back.. that's far.. and it's dark outside.. scary o_O Ran to the CLT community centre 3 times today.. first time to deliver my laundry. second time, forgot the detergent and fabric softener. third time, left my key to open my door, to get the detergent and fabric softener. all this, without a coat. I think my cough just got worse.

there's some people in life who won't ever mind being your venting outlet, punching bag, supporter, listening ear, cushioning shoulder, someone who truly cares. how much though can one endure being stepped on? hence stirs the discussion on forgiveness vs. pushover. forgiveness is an ongoing process... it doesn't just happen once and is done. for the forgiver, it's a gift you give away knowing the consequence that it is a free gift & you have to bare the pain. for the other, upon acceptance, should bring about change to not let anything happen again that would require more of it. however, where is the line drawn between forgiving (not forgetting) and being stepped on repetitively?

if one branch breaks on a tree, you can't just hop to another branch. the roots start at the bottom.. u need time to climb all the way down and back up. and that's the time you need to heal. worse is when you're climbing back up but they shove you back down again.

you can't talk about it because it opens a can of worms. you can't rebuke because you don't feel you're equipped with everything just yet to do it effectively without bitterness which once hurt you. can't be sure, cuz you think "who am I anyways? no one"...and you try to be humble and patient. you can't bring up stuff cuz everytime you do, you're cut up for it. can't use examples cuz they say you judge. can't do anything without them questioning you. and you're supposed to trust?... grrr it's so hard. can't make them listen cuz they're so blind.

comes to a point you finally realize, you mean nothing to them. they pretend you do sometimes, but you obviously don't. for any good thing, in front of others you're just an acquaintance if even that. inconsistency clouds, insensitivity hurts and even love doesn't seem to be enough for them. by caring it doesn't help. It seems you can remember everything and be aware of all the lessons you can take from it, but harsh words that haunt you, are erased from their own records, which might not be bad, but it's repeated. what good is that.

in the simplest ways, you can feel cared for and not forgotten. some things are so simple. it's hard to face the utter disappointment in realizing that they won't one day realize enough to change. what happened to the hope that you could see them shine...why do some friends always find a way to make us feel like dirt??

the world tells you one thing.. it even tells you how to. but you're convinced your love will make a difference. it just makes it worse and more repetitive and more easily recognizable every time even the slightest thing indicates you simply are wasting your time getting hurt. can't help but to feel apologies mite just have been empty. trust is a two way thing. everyone needs a solid indication.

well when a chance leads to another to another to another to another to another and yet another and its round two restart with another and another chance again, but it just doesn't work. you eventually think... last chance.

there's something we all know but often don't have the courage for- tough love.

God of ask, adoration, confession, thanksgiving and sublication, I praise you for all the wonderful people and things in my life; especially the closeness you continue to bless with those from high school, and my loving family. Let my love be not a passing thing because God, you train me to be your little soldier, not to be in meaningless flings. I pray something so true and potentially good could stay. I plead you give me the humility, patience, kindness but above all courage to stand firm on my ground, in what I know is true. Care for friends is through Your strength Lord, through my prayers which you faithfully listen to everyday...If I am lost or lack gentleness, I ask for their gift of forgiveness too....
With this, I close the door. I toss the key. It's not hard to find. The map is right here. "I dare you to move." Too easy.. fine. if not,
game over.

seek and you will find..ask and you will receive....pray with me...
.x.[power of prayer].x.

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2002 || moments in October | moments in September | moments in August | moments in July | moments in JuNe | moments in MaY | moments in ApRiL | moments in MaRcH | moments in FebRuArY

[ what did other people do today?]

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[Joanna Yu]

[Alvin Luong]

[Raymond Yu]

[Mabel Lam]

[Lisa Ma]

[Calvin Chin]

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"If out of time, I could pick one moment, and keep it shining, always new, of all the days I have lived, I’d pick the day I fell in love with you."
[to screen after password activation 1o.22.o2]

Dear Heavenly Father....

..October vanishes..

...A brand new month unfolds - November...=) there's a gift we all have... ...to be able to help make others happy =)

*SNoWFLaKeS!*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUSTIN!!!!!! high 5 =)*

[ what did other people do today?]

click on each image to enter.....

click on each image to enter.....

...A brand new month unfolds - November...=)

there's a gift we all have...
...to be able to help make others happy =)

SNoWFLaKeS!